Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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