God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If that was your dad, he is hot
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
