I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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