You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
