Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
