i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
