I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Come on in and take your pants off
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