WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
