Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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