oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
