So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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