There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
