We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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