I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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