i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just google imaged poop.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
