Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
