I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
