how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
