from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
