I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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