Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
