Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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