Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
