we're blogging at a bar
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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