I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
