Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
