I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
