rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
