So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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