How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize