whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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