Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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