I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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