Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize