My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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