theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
