I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
3 2 1 whiskey
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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