I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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