Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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