You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
