Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
