this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
COCAINE IS GR8
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
