His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
