I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
