Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
