Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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