I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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