oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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