A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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