he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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