my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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