that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
