idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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