My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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