I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
