Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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