after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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