If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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