final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
