New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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