pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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