took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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