So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
