yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize