On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
