just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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