He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's shark week go big or go home
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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