And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
